The Austrian Slopes (Alps 2/2)

Part 1

The closer we were approaching the mountains the sharper the air got.

We finally arrived at the Glacier. The Pitzaler.

It took quite long as we left from Obersdorf in Germany and the 3 kilometers high glacier was further away in Austria. We had a change of plans twice due to the lack of snowfall.

Everybody was tired, really tired. Two nights before, everyone partied hard. We had a quite good time and it was the semester’s big trip. Smuggling alcohol in the small dorm room, getting the music progressively louder as our inhibitions lowered. At some point I was playing a drinking game with friends and Tetsu, an Australian-Japanese guy whips out a big pink phallic object and boomerangs it my way

Straight in my drink. Splash, Scotch everywhere.

Turns out he just threw me a silicon penis.

A dildo. Un godemichet en Français.

Perplexed, I just stare blankly at my scotch slowly pouring on the hardwood floor, the party not stopping even a bit.

Story goes it belonged to a friend of a friend, who has the bad habit of hiding it in other people’s luggage and earlier, when the party happened in the room, it just plopped out of said victim’s ski jacket.

Ahahahaha (ewww)

That’s the kind of party international students have.

Fine by me, just, don’t throw more phallic things at me tho. Not a fan…

We need these kinds of parties, after nights spent getting our legs beaten by tall German guys dressed as fluffy devils with rods.


We made it to a mountain with actual snow after an early morning booze cruise in the gigantic bus.

The view was exhilarating.


Got off the bus, into the thing that brought us to the top. (A giant metal diagonal train-ish thing)

Once at the top, we went off to rent our equipment.

I asked for a helmet.

Nein, nur für kinder. (Only for kids)

-Ski pants ??

Nein, wir haben nur skis. (We just rent skis)

At this point, I am desperate. I am wearing a tweed town coat, hiking boots, khakis and my gloves are oversized green felt mitts. This is going to be a wet and cold day.

-You don’t even have gloves ?

Können Sie mir lehen. (You can borrow mine)

He goes into the back store and lends me his, personal, gloves. I say thanks a thousand times and head out with my gear.

Walking down a path with a friend from France, we get stopped by an Austrian ski team.

They wanted to take a photo with us.

I realize my French buddy and I have no helmet, are wearing Ray Bans as goggles, he’s wearing Jeans and I have grey Khakis. To top it off I have a town coat and he is wearing a panda-head hat.

Sure take your bloody photos, it might be the last one of me alive.

I start with the bunny hills, and surprisingly can navigate fine enough on skis at decent speed. Going slower or stopping is another story.

Fast-forward some time on the bunny hills, a few tumbles in the snow hours later, and I am a happy man.

I learned to ski. On a 3000m glacier. In the Alps. In Austria.


While I did feel more adventurous than usual, I did try to keep it safe and simple, having no idea what I was doing and wearing no protection equipment.

Even took a downhill instagram selfie to show my friends how well I was doing.

Pizza slice, french fries, pizza slice, french fries.

Ehhh screw that, It just doesn’t make me go any slowEeeEeeeeeerrr !


And that concluded our weekend trip to the Alps. I was sad to head back home, but my head was once again filled with memories and crazy stories to tell.

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